Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
