batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
