Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
