I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
