Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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