I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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