I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
