i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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