Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
