Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
