I cannot find my penis.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
