With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize