Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize