I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sext me about skeletons
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
