dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i now understand why vodka
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
