I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
