He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
me + whiskey = a bad person
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
