I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
