My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
