Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
