Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
