too bad you live with your parents still
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
