Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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