Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
