the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
