their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
