I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
