I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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