I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
