who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
