I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
