y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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