I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
