I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
