Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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