I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
