I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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