if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Randomize
