Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
