Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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