Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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