I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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