just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm having to shit out rocks
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