I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
