Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I FOUND THE LEGS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize