I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I understand Curling. That high.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
