I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
