I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
