im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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