I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
