I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just high enough for therapy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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