He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
