he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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