you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
