Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
