i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
