shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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