I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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