omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize