haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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