I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
