Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
