I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
