apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm too high and old for this...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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