Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
