I bet he comes in French.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize